Snow in the South: A Mainer in Exile’s perspective

This winter is dropping more snow in the South than it has is a long while.  My spring planting is being held up by six inches of frozen water sitting on my balcony.  I’m a Mainer in Exile and a dusting of snow is no problem for me, however the locals tend to freak out at the mention of snow falling from the sky.  In the past I have chuckled, guffawed, and even laughed at the entire region shutting down because of a hint of snow, this recent snow storm has got me thinking about how Southerners snow logic make actual sense.

Snow is coming!  Everyone do the panic dance!

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Yes, a week or so ago the entire local school system shut down because there might be snow.  I was half expecting people to board up their windows and star stockpiling bread and milk, then load up on weapons to defend their bread and milk stockpile.  People panic about snow because other people panic about snow.  People forget everything about physics and the lack of friction just destroys cars left and right.  There is a reason people panic about snow falling and it builds until everyone on the roads are wound tight and just waiting until the roadways turn into  a scene from Mad Max.  While I still don’t understand why an inch or two of snow on it’s own is worth panicking about, I do understand why there are so many accidents.

Ready for anything as long as it doesn’t fall from the sky

The infrastructure down here is not set up for snow and ice.  I think there are two snow plows used by the city of Greensboro, a city that has a population six times as large as the largest city in Maine.  Of course there are only a few times during a decade that they need to be called out and when the weather thinks of snowing and very few people use the roads anyway.  So it makes sense to spend money on parks and housing instead of machines that will only be used once every few years.  But every now and again people feel the urge to add to their bread and milk stockpile, but why bread and milk?

Outta my way, I gotta get the bread and milk!

What can you make when the power goes out?  No microwave, probably no stove or oven, no refrigerator, no freezer, and you might not have any water, so what can you do to survive?  Steal another tribe’s fire?  Start hunting the neighborhood squirrels?  Nope, just sit down and make a sandwich or pour some cereal into a bowl.  Cereal and sandwiches don’t need electricity.  Of course at my house our Bread and Milk is rum and coke with some chips, but hey, you get the idea.

Shut everything down!

Finally, shutting everything down does make safety sense.  A lot of the factors around snow fall in the South, such as no infrastructure, no experience driving on ice, and everyone panicking to get bread and milk, lead to accidents on the roads.  Accidents involving school busses are no laughing matter, unless you’re playing Cards Against Humanity, and it doesn’t make sense to put thousands of people’s lives at risk to get to school for an extra day.

The South doesn’t deserve laughter and scorn as people freak out about snow, but a refill on my rum and coke would be pretty nice.

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